i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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