some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
