Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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