Non-Jews are for practice
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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