i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
