worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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