you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
