My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
