he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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