just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
