so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize