I just saw a hot homeless man
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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