I just cut my nipple shaving
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
