I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
