If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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