he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
