Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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