1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
