you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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