All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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