Yo dont text me then not text me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
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Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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