I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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