remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
