I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
