You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
