i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I party with great urgency now.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
