well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
