if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
