It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
