thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
