Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
