As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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