I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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