In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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