Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize