I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
