i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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