the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
