this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
