If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
