I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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