Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
