if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
