What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
