He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
