She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
