My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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