I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
