sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
