We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have feelings that need drinking.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
