My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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