my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I enjoy the company of your penis
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
