nut hugger
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everclear isn't food dammit
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
