don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
