Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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