does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
im holly from the hills drunk
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
