They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
