Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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