goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
