This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
