i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
