I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
