my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
