please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
love makes seman taste better
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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