no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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