That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We are two peas in an std pod
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
