my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
