You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
