I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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