Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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